Darcy Watkins – August 25, 2024
Of course not! But what do we even mean by “nepotism” in the church? Some denominations’ clergy don’t get married partly to avoid this clergy from being tied to a specific family like how Jewish priests are all from the tribe of Levi. But that is not what we usually mean when we say “nepotism”. It’s usually part of a complaint about someone receiving inappropriate extents of preferential treatment because they are closely related to someone in leadership, usually to the pastor. Let’s start with some cases I have seen.
A pastor spent years developing deacons, first as in training, then as deacons, then as elders in training. The church espoused the idea of development and promotion from within. This pastor sent his son off to a Bible College. When the son graduated, he jumped ahead of all the elders in training, becoming first the associate pastor, then he took over as the senior pastor. The elders, still “in training” were disbanded. They left, disillusioned at the hypocrisy involved in this leadership succession. This case didn’t affect career, because the elders, including the pastors were all “tentmakers”, unpaid positions. But it still involved leadership and input to vision and governance.
At a different church, people involved in leadership were referred to as leaders, coordinators and similar titles. But whenever any such role was led by someone closely related to the pastor, the title was “pastor” rather than coordinator or leader. Instead of a youth leader, it was now a youth pastor. And so on for other leadership roles. There was a preferential treatment regarding use of titles associated with leadership roles. This communicated two-tier classes of leaders based on nepotism.
At yet another church, a Bible College student from that church was promised an internship position available when he returned from a short-term mission trip with his Bible College team. So, he took the mission trip. He returned to discover that the position had been given to the brother of the person in charge of the internship program. This case involved paid internship positions; hence the affected person suffered a loss.
Now the flip side to the whole matter is, should the pastor’s family NOT get any such benefits? If a child grows up in the same trade as a parent, they often get a break getting into apprenticeship programs, landing a job through what we call “connections”. Shouldn’t a pastor’s kid get a similar break using “connections”? I personally think it is ok for them to get some breaks, but it shouldn’t be to inappropriate levels. Put in some safeguards. Don’t let it blow up into a conflict of interest.
Nepotism (beyond some minor breaks as part of ministry development) can be a sign of organizational immaturity or even insecurities within the leadership. Faithfulness is considered a must for any candidate to be appointed to leadership positions since there must always be a relationship of trust involved. Why do you think family and friends come first in the logical progression of things? The relationship and trust is usually already there! As an organization grows, eventually you must be willing to trust the judgement of those you trust, and then that of those trusted by those you trust. Eventually, this morphs into some sort of process the leadership team uses. If the organization doesn’t mature, the church growth stunts at what the organization can handle.
I always say that family and friends can add to the effectiveness of a person’s ministry, but when the person reaches the point where he/she can empower those who are neither family nor friends, this multiplies (rather than adds to) the effectiveness of that person’s ministry.
So, let’s show some grace at perceived nepotism. It may be within the realms of “normal” for your church. Also make sure that your feelings aren’t just envy in disguise. On the other hand, if you have been adversely impacted by nepotism, keep your heart soft towards God. If the church situation is unhealthy for you, you may need to consider a change in church or at least, where you participate in ministry. Guard your heart so you can move beyond the hurt.